So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
