shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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