the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
