remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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