Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
