Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
