i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize