I accidentally had phone sex last night
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
