Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
