the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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