I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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