every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
