Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
