I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize