i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
