somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think your dad took our porno
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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