Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
