I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
