She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize