I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
