My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
