So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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