ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
