I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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