Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
