he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
