Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
