life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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