There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i will never coherently bang her
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
