if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
