My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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