You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
