We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
