So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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