Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
