I CAN MOONWALK!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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