mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's paper in my vomit.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Thank you for not boning my boss.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
