I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
