the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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