Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
im holly from the hills drunk
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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