im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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