all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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