What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
