I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
