at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
