just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
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