also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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