yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
