Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just high enough for therapy.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
