You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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