We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we're making bets on your personal life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
