I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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