I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
