We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
