i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
