wakey wakey hands off snakey
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
