The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
