I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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