I feel like abortions should bother me more
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
