Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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