i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
