i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
