Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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