My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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