do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
