please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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