I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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